I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
