I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
