So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
