I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
