I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize