all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize