y did u give ur computer a hand job?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
false alarm. still invincible.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
