If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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