he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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