If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize