It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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