And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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