Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
