So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
