Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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