Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
