I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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