I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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