Its about making memories worth repressing
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
