And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
