if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
