Screwed.edu
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
