I'm passing your future prison.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize