this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
