We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
