ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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