i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
