Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
