i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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