Me. At least after what I've been through.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
