If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
