I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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