I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
