i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
