So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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