oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
