is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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