For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
