just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
