clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
