I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
