the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
