Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize