So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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