It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
