If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
