so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
