He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
