saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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