those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
