sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
