My Higher Power is John Stamos
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
