i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
