you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize