New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize