We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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