hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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