Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
