Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
