GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
