alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
