I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
