Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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