Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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