I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
