yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
