well you can't waste a boner
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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