are you still at the devil's house?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
