We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Someone shit on the floor
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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