Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
