A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Say something about gay babies.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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