Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
