I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
