So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
