wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
