just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
