THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize