Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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