My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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