I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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