My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize