wanna go halves on a baby?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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