Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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