Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
